Listen to it! Listen carefully. Listen how people around you talk.
Will you notice how they approach various things, how they express the way things are, how things should be in their opinion? My ears catch nowadays often how peple actually talk in negative. They talk what’s out, instead of what’s in. They tell how things should not be, but don’t state how they ought to be.
I’ve learned to listen to this for three reasons:
+ When you read dog bearing guides, they tell you how to educate new dogs in the family. You reward for the good and punish for the bad. You clearly let the dog know what’s in in, by communicating positive when the dog behaves as expected.
+ When you read child bearing guides, they apply the same principle: you always need to let the child know what’s expected and right, and reward then he does that. It’s not enough to forbid, but you also need to point to the correct, acceptable behaviour.
Some actually go even further by stating that you should avoid even mentioning the incorrect so that the words aren’t left lingering in the brain, or inadvertently heard incorrectly. This same theory is presented also in the man-raising books for women…
Saying "Don’t leave them here" has the risk of being heard or memorised as "leave them here", while what you really mean – of course – is "put them over there, please". And that should be conveyed according to these distinguished experts.
+ All those ‘positive thinking’ converts we have around us, who are always ready to tell you how wonderful the life will be when you emphasise the good in your life, and discard the bad.
All these have influenced me and – observant as I am – I’ve started to listen how people express things. This was sparked again this morning, when a friend in the US wrote on her Facebook wall "Never forget!".She was referring to the 9/11 10-year remembrance weekend they were having. A similar expression is used also in Australia about remembering those fallen or wounded in the wars: "Lest we forget".
Now we come to the question: these are expressed in the negative, what not to do. Can we express this also in the positive while still retaining the message? Yes, we can. Both Bob the Builder and Barak Obama know this "Yes, we can" side, and so can we, too.
"Always remember!" and "That we would always remember" would be my direct translations of those above. First one is short and pointy, the second one a bit longer, so you may want to shorten it. There’s a subtle difference between the original versions, but perhaps you can generalise enough and use the "Always remember" for both.
This same applies to so many other statements, too. People use the negative surprisingly lot, also in situations where the expression would actually be much more direct and to-the-point when told in the positive. Instead of mentioning "Don’t do that", say "Do this". It clearly articulates what you’d like to happen. "I don’t think this is a good idea". OK, so what do you do think then, what would be a better way? Perhaps it can be dressed as "I think this would be better if we did…".
The list of examples could go on for eternity, but you already get the idea: you can almost everytime replace the negative with the positive and be more constructive in your talk. You can be more encouraging. More explicit. Influential. Upbeat. I believe you can also be more engaging, getting people better on your side. Besides, you say what you mean, while leaving out what you didn’t mean. In other words, you gain clarity in the expression.
From my experience, being a yes-man is a double-edged sword. I enjoy talking from the better side, from the positive approach. But sometimes it bugs me big time when people talk in the negative in vain, when they could so easily express the matter in a better way. It’s distracting at its worst. But even then I do enjoy the constant yes.
I challenge you: be in the positive, in the affirmative, say what you mean, be in the "Yes, we can" camp for a week! Deliberately watch for your negative expressions and replace them with the positive ones.
This may take some watching and practice, especially if you are used to the negative expressions. But you’ll get the idea quickly and start converting your speech. What comes out of it, how you’ll find it, it completely up to you. But I’m confident you’ll like it.
Give it a go! Nothing to loose, much to gain!
